Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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