theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
