Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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