He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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