Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
