don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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