I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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