return my video game
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
