please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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