i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
