Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Found the puke drawer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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