I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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