you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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