i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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