Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
