The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize