I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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