My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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