Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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