Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
