Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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