Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
