I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
