3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
