bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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