Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
