Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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