i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it because I queefed?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
