He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
