I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
