It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
