Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
