please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
