It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
