There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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