your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
