So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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