I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
