Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
