I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
