he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I forget how to act sober
Randomize