i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
