Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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