Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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