her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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