At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize