I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
