Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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