Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize