I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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