I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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