1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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