Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This house was built for laser tag.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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