just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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