i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize