he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
