I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
