I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
