What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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