Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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