I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
