So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
