Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
