so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
