im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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