actually, I'm a sock model
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
