If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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