you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize