I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
