how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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