Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
