I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
