Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
