Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
