dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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