This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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