literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
