how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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