yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Every concussion has its silver lining
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
