You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
