why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
