I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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