Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
