marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
