I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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