Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
