did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
