You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
