part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
