True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
