can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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