i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
