Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
