I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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