my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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