They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
