WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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