I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
