I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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