my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
