This girl is more easily done than said...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
