i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
