I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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