I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have fence marks all over my body
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
