Betty ford says i'm here all night
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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