TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
